Love Myself

I’ve always been timid

Afraid of understanding

Because if I understood, I would have to be critiqued first

Which means I would have to make a mistake
Everyone says mistakes are inevitable

Mistakes make us human

But why are mistakes good?

It’s a bad word isn’t it
It has “mis” in it

Isn’t a mistake a false achievement?

So I can never make mistakes

They don’t define me, they define the person I hate
As I grew older and older

I realized that my mistakes were worse than I could ever imagine

Especially if my mistake affects someone I love

I can never forget those mistakes
But then, I started hearing more people talking about loving themselves

That made me wonder how that was possible

I knew love was a mutual relationship between two people

I didn’t think loving myself was possible because of what I thought it was

Since I’ve heard so many people talk about loving themselves, I realized it had to be possible

But I knew that it must be very hard to do since it was so rare for me to hear of that

So I wondered if I should just ignore all of my faults

I wondered if I should just erase every experience I’ve ever had, including the good ones
But who could love a blank slate?

So I put back in all the good experiences and I started to love myself more

But it wasn’t full

The love I felt for myself wasn’t complete
I was too afraid to put my mistakes into the equation

I thought that loving yourself meant to focus on all of your best experiences

I thought loving myself meant feeling like I was perfect

But I realized that I can’t love myself because I haven’t found myself
I am a very young little girl and I’m still new to this world

I never loved myself because I let other people define myself

I never questioned who I was because I thought other people would do it for me

I hated myself for not reaching a certain standard that wasn’t my own

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